In my last post, I highlighted the amazing blog The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and her very useful tool: "Eleven tips for broaching difficult subjects."
Part of understanding cultural competency is understanding what to do when those inevitably difficult conversations arise. How do you confront somebody who offended you? How do you tell an employee that their dress isn't appropriate in your workplace when it could be considered ethnic dress?
To give an example from one of my previous workplaces: Kathryn, who is black, had cut her hair very short earlier in the summer. As fall approached and her hair grew back in, it started to become a somewhat unruly fro. One morning, she decided just not to mess with it and wore a blue, nylon do-rag to work. She wore a slouchy sweater and a khaki skirt, just as she did most days to meet the "professional dress" dress code. She met with her supervisor that day for their monthly meeting. The supervisor didn't comment on anything about her dress.
Over the next couple of weeks, Kathryn wore do-rags each day she went to work. She found she could get in earlier to work without having to worry about her hair. Each day her supervisor saw her and there was no comment, so Kathryn figured it was okay. There was nothing mentioned in the workplace dress code about do-rags, and everything else she wore was technically in the guidelines.
All of a sudden one day, Sylvia, a manager two levels above Kathryn stopped by her cubicle and politely asked her to stop wearing the do-rags to work. Perhaps if they were "more ethnic" in style, it would be acceptable. Kathryn found the comment mildly offensive but agreed to stop wearing the do-rags to work.
The next day, Kathryn wore a cute baby blue cabled cashmere stocking cap that exactly matched her sweater. The manager gave her a wink of approval as she walked in the door. "You look very nice today, Kathryn."
And then, Elaine came into the doorway of Kathryn's cube. "I can't believe what Sylvia said yesterday. There's so ridiculous about the dress code here. As if what you wore on your head had anything to do with how good a work you do." And then she whispered, "And that's not the worst of it."
"What are you talking about?" asked Kathryn. She could feel her heart pounding. Elaine knew all the gossip in the office. What was someone saying about her?
Elaine, with an almost delighted look on her face, continued: "Well, a few people who sit in the cubes outside your supervisor's office heard another supervisor come in and complain that because you were black that you thought you could get away with wearing anything that you wanted to."
What a mess. How could the do-rag 'incident' been handled in a better way? What do you think, dear reader?